A Pre-Priesting Poem/Confession

I’m scared of spiders that live in churches

I’m allergic to lilies that adorn hearses

As for wine, I can’t tolerate more than a sip,

Remind me again that I’m called to this?

I run late, I’m a mess, my head full of thoughts:

The school run, the dog, the prayer request for warts.

I forgot to lock the church! I dismay and fret,

I want to offer something perfect, and yet -

Someone perfect was offered in my place.

For all eternity I shall marvel at his grace.

My weakness reveals even more his strength,

Self-deprecation laughs at my faults at length.

But oh my it is hard to swallow this pride

That ensnares me again as I serve his bride.

Try harder, get it right, be better,

This is too important for a wretch like me to mess up.

But who am I to hold back, embarrassed by my condition?

Aren’t my shortcomings within his beloved creation?

When God blessed the world, didn’t that include me?

Suddenly this vocation tests what I really believe.

I prayed, 

‘Here I am Lord, send me’ and he actually did!

To a marriage, a suburb, a church and two kids.

And now as a priest to the altar I come;

He is calling me there because of his Son.

So I kneel, under ornate or simple robes

My scars mostly hidden but God always knows

And I’m starting to wonder if I’m not called in spite 

but because of the ways I’ve been broken and tried.

What if he is moulding me through it all?

What if he was holding me through it all?

Through my mind flashes a cascade of blessings

Given to me, glistening, across almost four decades

Hands and hearts that prayed for me, 

Once again I’m on my knees - as I prepare to give what I have received 

Veni sancte spiritus, I bow before the cross

Treasured words in my heart, my fears count as lost

I surrender to his will without understanding

He whispers, come just as you are my darling.