Love Languages – and loving God

A reflection by Rev. Chris Willis – May 2022

You’ve probably heard of ‘Love languages’, you know the ones: quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and giving of gifts. The point of these ‘love languages’ is that it’s when we learn the other persons love language, that we learn to love them better. There’s little point in only overwhelming someone with gifts, if their primary love language is ‘words of affirmation’. There is limited point in just doing lots of good things for someone (Acts of service), if all they long for is to spend quality time with you.

Now, I know there is rightly a limit how far one takes this concept when looking to God, and considering how he loves us, or indeed, calls us to love him in return. But the thing about love languages is, it’s about recognising what the other identifies as a loving response. Truth is, there are different loving responses to God, indeed, including acts of service, and quality time with him. After all, we are called to love those in need, (acts of service), and we are called to pray to God and be alone with Him, to spend ‘quality time’.

This Sunday we looked at John 14. It reveals one love language that Jesus both speaks and seeks, it’s one of obedience to his teaching. In John 14 Jesus says: ‘The world must learn that I love the Father, and do exactly what my Father has commanded me’. And Jesus calls us to express our love for him in the same way. “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching’.

We wouldn’t, and rightly so, expect to find Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of ‘Love Languages’, adding ‘obedience’ as the sixth love language, unless, that is, he was like I am now, thinking in terms of Jesus.

Perhaps the nearest parallel would be how children are called to love their parents, in obedience. Think of the parable of the two sons, both were asked to help their father. One said yes, but didn’t; the other initially refused, but repented of that attitude, and did help. It was the latter, we read, who did the fathers will. We might say, he was thew one who loved his father through obedience. The same might be appropriately applied to the workplace. There is a form of the love of God expressed by Christians who are good employees, expressing that love in obedience to appropriate orders or instructions.

I heard once of a nurse who was a Christian, who quietly got on with her work. When she died a surprise letter appeared on the desk of her church minister. The letter was from the hospital, which explained how the nurse’s Christian faith had clearly been the inspiration for the excellence in her care for the patients. Her love was surely expressed though acts of service, but also to obedience to Jesus’ call to love others and be a good employee in this instance.

Jesus was the one who gave everything for us in obedience to the Father. He spoke a love language of obedience to God the Father by obeying his commands. That is a love language we are called to speak also.

And the really good news is, we are not left to do this just in our own strength. Yes, certainly, we need to make decisions, and prayerfully read the bible to understand how God calls us to live; but, as we heard this Sunday, every believer in Jesus has the Holy Spirit, the Councillor to ‘teach us and remind us’, to help and guide us. And even when we fail, as we do from time to time, God remains faithful. He is more than willing to pick us up and help us start again afresh.

That is truly really good news!  Amen